i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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