Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
