i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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