i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
