why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
