I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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