I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
