Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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