You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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