The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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