she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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