Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
