Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
