she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
