I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
