I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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