The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
