you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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