Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
