Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
