The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
