you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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