just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Bring me that man meat
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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