Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
