i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
