that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
