these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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