this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
