So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
