I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
