i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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