You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
