we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
