i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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