i just made my gag reflex go away.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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