Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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