He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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