How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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