dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
