perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
