i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
