Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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