yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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