I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
