i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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