Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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