i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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