So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
