Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
