I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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