so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
