i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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